Whether you are looking to plan a memorial service that takes place after the cremation or a more traditional-style farewell that reflects your own or your loved one's wishes, we would be honoured to support you. Click below to find out more.
Despite having a no-service cremation, it is important that something is done to celebrate and honour your loved one’s life.
You may still wish to have a more formal funeral service or memorial, even though the coffin will not be present. You can either have help from the funeral director, a customisable Bare Memorial service or opt to DIY the service yourself.
There are actually no rules when it comes to funerals. In the same way that organising any event or celebration, like a birthday or even a wedding, is usually done without hiring an official event planner, arranging aspects of planning a funeral or memorial service can be done yourself.
Advantages of a DIY funeral.
Arranging a direct cremation and separately planning a DIY celebration-of-life memorial service can not only save thousands of dollars, but it allows family and friends to tailor the service in a way that truly reflects the deceased’s unique life.
The affordability of a direct cremation gives loved ones the financial freedom to arrange a more fitting celebration of life at a fraction of the cost. That could be a BBQ by the beach, or a memorial service at a park or some other special place that meant a lot to the deceased. And the money left over can be used towards a holiday, gifting to the family, or buying the grandkids their first car.
But if you’d still prefer a formal memorial service that closely reflects a more traditional funeral, you can certainly still arrange a DIY funeral if that is what you wish.
We’ve put together this DIY funeral guide to help you understand what’s involved with planning a funeral or memorial service yourself. This guide is broken down into the following steps:
- Book a funeral location or venue
- Decide on a funeral celebrant or MC
- Arrange catering
- Decide on funeral music
- Eulogy and tributes
- Create a photo slideshow or DVD
- Decide on the memorial order of service
- Memorial cards or ‘prayer cards’
- Funeral notices and newspaper tributes
- Arrange an ashes scattering ceremony
Step 1: Book a DIY funeral location or venue.
The biggest misconception when it comes to planning a funeral is that it must be done at a church or crematorium chapel. But this can’t be further from the truth.
Just with any funeral, an end-of-life service should be a reflection of someone’s unique life. So, when it comes to the location of your service, consider the person you are celebrating and what setting would fit their personality. Did they enjoy gardening, sailing, hiking, fishing or swimming? If so, you might want to consider holding the ceremony at a place in nature that better reflects their life’s passions.
When planning a memorial service, there are more venue options available than many people realise. Because the body is not present, a memorial can be held at home, in a public park, at a community centre, or in a function room at a bowls or RSL club.
For those who prefer something more traditional, it is also possible to hire a cemetery chapel for the service. Many cemeteries allow families to book a non-denominational chapel for a private service, often for a few hundred dollars and without engaging a funeral director.
If you are considering arranging a DIY funeral, a good place to start is by getting in touch with your local cemetery. Ask about chapel hire, available dates, and whether they have any spaces you can use for a wake or gathering after the service.
Many cemeteries can also provide catering options as well as audio-visual facilities to play a photo slideshow or DVD to celebrate your loved one. Some sites allow self-catering options if you’d like to keep costs down or to tailor to the deceased’s favourite foods. Booking the venue yourself allows you to keep costs down and make your service as individual as your loved one.
As stated on Melbourne’s Greater Metropolitan Cemeteries Trust website: “Whether for a religious or non-religious ceremony, or for post-funeral refreshments, our venues help personalise whatever kind of service you are holding.”
Planning a service or ceremony can be approached much like organising any other gathering: choose a date, time and location, then arrange the details yourself.
Step 2: Decide on a funeral celebrant or MC.
Next, you’ll need to consider who will lead the funeral or memorial service.
While many people choose to work with a professional celebrant to guide the ceremony, it isn’t a requirement. A close friend or family member who feels comfortable speaking in front of others can also lead the service.
If the idea of taking on that role feels overwhelming, you can always ask a celebrant to step in and provide support.
Bare have a list of funeral celebrants we have worked with and recommend, you can ask your arranger for a recommendation for a funeral celebrant if you choose to include one in your package for an additional fee.
Step 3 – Arrange catering.
Your loved one may have had a favourite food, sweet, or national cuisine that you might like to consider to better celebrate their life.
If you’re hiring a function room for your DIY funeral, the venue will generally have its own catering options available to select from. Talk to the venue if you’d like to personalise the menu.
You may also be able to arrange refreshments for the service yourself by searching for suitable catering services in your area online, or speaking with a favourite restaurant to find out if they offer catering services.
Step 4 – Decide on DIY funeral music.
Music creates a certain atmosphere and sets the scene for a funeral or memorial, so when planning a funeral or memorial, think about the feelings and mood you want in the service with your choice of funeral songs.
A theme song from a favourite movie, TV show, football team, or event is often a lovely way to add a personal touch for a less traditional service. For some inspiration, take a look at your loved one’s personal music library – you may be surprised by what you find.
Just a word of caution: you may like the sound of a piece of music, but ensure you take the time to listen to the lyrics and check that they are appropriate.
A list of suitable songs for an end-of-life service can be found in our article: Songs for funerals and memorial services, or with the below Spotify playlist. You can also find all our Spotify Funeral Songs paylists here.
Music to start a DIY funeral service or memorial.
If you are having a more formal structure to your service, the opening piece of music has another task of settling people before the service begins, so keep that in mind when making funeral song choices.
Music to close a DIY funeral service or memorial.
For your closing funeral song, choosing something a little lighter or upbeat may be appropriate if you don’t want people leaving too overwhelmed with sadness.
Step 5 – Eulogy and tributes.
The tribute component of a funeral or memorial service begins with the eulogy.
A eulogy is a speech given at a memorial or funeral service, usually by a family member or close friend. Eulogies commemorate and celebrate the life of the deceased, so sharing a life story gives purpose to that life and communicates a legacy for those they love.
The purpose of writing a eulogy is to tell a person’s life journey, their achievements and triumphs, and describe who they are. But is it also for those listening to learn, to take something away that they can use to live their own lives a little better. Therefore, ensure that your story has some reflection of your loved one’s life that can be a lesson for those listening.
The most important thing is to write from your heart and express what means the most to you.
There are many resources that can help write a eulogy, including our How to write a eulogy: 7 step guide.
Funeral tributes.
Following the eulogy comes the tributes. Funeral tributes are usually given by the deceased’s children, parents, or other close relative or family member.
They often bring warmth to a eulogy by sharing a memory or story that reflects the loved one's personality.
Tributes can also be through performance of a song, poem, prayer, or inspirational quote. For some inspiration, we've compiled a selection of funeral poems here.
Step 6 – Create a photo slideshow or DVD.
A photo slideshow or DVD of videos can add a lovely touch during reflection time. It also creates a focal point for mourners to look without a coffin present.
A photo slideshow can be done simply by a tech-savvy relative or friend by using a computer software program like PowerPoint. If you know someone who is skilled with video editing software, they should be able to put together a short clip of home videos too. Alternatively, you can always hire a videographer if you want to pay for a professional service, but this can be costly and is not always necessary.
Music to go behind a photographic reflection should celebrate life, happy memories, joys of living.
You’ll just need to arrange audio-visual components at the venue, including a laptop, projector, screen and an amplifier. If hiring a function space, speak to the venue staff to help arrange this
Step 7 – Decide on the memorial order of service.
A funeral order of service generally follows the following format:
- Welcome music
- Welcome and introduction by celebrant or MC
- Eulogy
- Tributes
- Reflection time with music
- Final message
- Committal (prayers for religious services, sometimes at gravesite/final resting place)
- Farewell music
For a more formal end-of-life ceremony, you may wish to list the order of service and any poems or readings in a booklet that can be made simply with a computer program like InDesign or Canva and printed at a place like Officeworks. Or again, you might prefer to pay a professional to make one for you.
Step 8 – Memorial service cards or ‘prayer cards’.
As an alternative to an order of service booklet, you might like to consider making up memorial service cards as keepsakes for attendees to take home.
The inclusion of memorial cards at modern funerals arose from the Catholic tradition of ‘prayer cards’ handed out at funerals. On one side, prayer cards carry an inspirational photo of the deceased and their birth and death dates. On the back is usually a prayer or scripture verse that honours a particular saint or Bible verse. But in modern times these have commonly been adapted to become more secular and non-religious keepsakes to include inspirational quotes, poems or messages as a memorial tribute to the deceased.
Again, these can easily be made with a simple design program and printed at Officeworks, or outsourced to a professional.
Step 9 – DIY funeral notices and newspaper tributes.
You can publish a death or funeral notice or tribute in the daily newspaper in your area easily through their website or by phoning their advertising department. Most newspapers will have the option to list the notice in both the print and online editions, or just the online edition if you prefer. You can easily book this yourself.
With the rise of social media, another option is to list the funeral notice on Facebook – either as a regular public post or by creating an event. An event allows you to invite the deceased’s nearest and dearest, which they can share with their contacts and save you from having to notify dozens of relatives and friends yourself. And it’s also free!
Step 10 – Arrange an ashes scattering ceremony.
You might prefer to have the ashes scattering service as part of the celebration-of-life memorial, or separately as a private moment for immediate family only – the choice is yours.
Scattering ashes can generally be done anywhere that is significant to your loved one. This may be a family property, a favourite bushwalk, at sea, or a regular holiday destination. The options for ashes scattering are endless and you can go as conventional or creative as you like.
Another common form of final farewell is a tree-planting ceremony as a way to create an enduring, living memory.
For more ideas on ashes scattering ceremonies, read our article: How to plan a memorial with a cremation.
Final thoughts on planning a DIY funeral.
Tradition tells us that when someone dies, planning a funeral needs to happen straight away. This usually takes place within a week of passing and whether in a church or a funeral home this service usually follows a prescribed format and is quite formal in nature. However, you don’t need to have such a formal funeral service if you don’t want to. Just as each of us are unique, a farewell to a loved one can reflect that uniqueness.
A Bare Cremation enables you to organise the cremation when your loved one passes and then, when the time is right, you can arrange the appropriate memorial event to celebrate your loved one’s life. It is also important to mention that choosing Bare Cremation does not mean you cannot have a traditional farewell. Families can still choose to hold a traditional service with the coffin present before the cremation takes place, if that feels right for them.
There’s no need to feel rushed into decisions or into arrangements that don’t reflect your wishes. Take the time you need to plan something – big or small – that truly reflects the uniqueness of your loved one.
Optional extra elements when planning a funeral.
When planning a funeral, you might like to consider adding the following personal touches to honour your loved one at their memorial or end-of-life service:
- A tribute table to place photographs, flowers and notes
- Decorate the venue with photos, flowers, balloons and sentimental items
- Live music performance
- Wear special colours
- Poetry reading
- Candle-lighting ceremony
- Memory sharing jar
- Small keepsake gift for attendees
- Guard of Honour at end of service
- Releasing butterflies, doves or bubbles
Our article 12 ways to personalise an end of life service offers more suggestions.
We hope this DIY guide to planning a funeral has given you some ideas to help you consider a self-planned funeral or celebration-of-life to accompany a direct cremation.
Let us help you say the perfect goodbye by providing the highest-quality funeral service. Whether you are looking to organise a direct cremation, a memorial or funeral service, we would be honoured to support you.
Disclaimer: This article provides general information only and does not constitute professional advice. Please consult a qualified expert for guidance specific to your situation.
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